Love And Everything In Between

 TRUST!

Level up guys! It's a new month! Yippee! With the new month comes a new series on the blog.❤️What do you say?

I say it's going to be an enjoyable ride, all the wayyyy.

On today's edition of 'Love and Everything In Between', we'll begin with looking at a topic, a word mostly used by people but only understood by few. It's the bedrock of Love. It gives allowance to the growth of love, anywhere, any day.

We are looking at TRUST, today. And I trust one of my sisters to do justice to the topic.

So... Leggooo!

Article by: Sholola Oluwafeyisikemi.

When we think of qualities that attract us to a person, we often think of trust.

Let's do this. When you hear the word trust, what comes to mind?

Let me guess- Loyalty, having confidence in someone, feeling comfortable enough around someone to tell them anything, right?

Well, you're not far from it.

The dictionary defines trust as a firm belief in the reliability, ability or truth of someone or something. When you trust someone, you strongly believe who they are or what they say, regardless of how the situation looks.

Undeniably, trust is the backbone of a healthy relationship, and it goes hand in hand with other important components of any relationship, such as honesty, open communication, vulnerability and respect.

Trust in a relationship brings a sense of psychological safety. Everyone involved feels secure around themselves. This is where the sense of being able to tell them anything comes in. Everyone is more open and of course, would understand one another a lot better.

Trust also works wonders for  confidence. When you tell someone "I trust you", whoosh! They feel super important. You're affirming that they actually mean a lot to you. In such relationship, you can be yourself without fear of being judged, and you know that your opinions are valued.

Unsurprisingly, trust in a relationship has been found to reduce stress and increase productivity. When trust abounds in a relationship, you have no fear of saying the wrong thing, your brain does not have to work overtime thinking of whether or not someone is betraying you, your mind is at rest and you're able to focus fully on anything you do. 

When there is a lack of trust, however, jealousy, secrecy, low self esteem or even depression become the order of the day.

You may be wondering, what are the signs of lack of trust in a relationship? 

Mamy people with trust issues have, more often than not, had their trust betrayed by someone in the past. They begin to live with the mentality that everyone would do the same to them. "They become blinded to the good that the world has to offer and only see what they want to see."

-They always predict that people would betray them, even without evidence. It's like they are steeling themselves against hurt, so even when you haven't given them reason to. They believe that sooner or later, you would betray their trust.

-Being guarded at all times for fear of their feelings being used against them. You would think you know them, but they don't let you see who they are inside. They don't give their all in relationships. After all, if they don't let you in, you can't hurt them. 

-Not wanting to commit to relationships because they feel they'd lose them anyway. Most of the time, they don't have friends, not because they don't want to, but because they don't want to go through the pain of losing the friendship.

- Reading too much meaning into simple mistakes. A friend being late would mean she's hanging out with someoene else, missing their calls would mean you think they're a disturbance or you don't want to be their friend anymore, and the list goes on. Because of this attitude, people see them as impossible to please, self righteous and unforgiving.

-Feeling like a phony- since they are not revealing their true selves, they feel like they don't really belong, and that they are only putting on an act. They feel alone even in the midst of people.

That's a whole lot, isn't it?

Looking at that list, we may even be the ones with the trust issues.

How then can we get past this lack of trust?

*First, you must admit that you have trust issues. Denial only means you're not ready to move on.

*Be willing to risk the pain of learning to trust. Understand that it would be painful, but take the plunge anyway, because it would be worth it in the end.

* Talk with the holy spirit, ask him to help you, and to connect you with people that can help you too.

*Find a trust partner. It could be a therapist, or even a friend

*Be intentional about learning how trust works. Take classes, read books, be practical about it.

*Take emotional risks with your trust partner. Since you're just starting out, your trust partner is the best person to start being vulnerable with. The risk is definitely a lot lower and its a lot easier to trust the person since you know the person wants to help you as much as you want to be helped.

*Confront your fears. Don't run away from them. You're afraid of your secrets being spilled? Tell your trust partner at least one. You're afraid of being judged? Be yourself around him/her. Sooner or later, you'd a able to move past those fears. 

*Allow people to earn your trust. Begin with an open mind but allow them to prove that they are indeed worthy of your trust.

*Learn from the process and keep trying. After all, practice does make perfect.

Its very easy for us to point accusing fingers at others,  claiming that they don't trust us enough. However, sometimes we need to take a step back and ask ourselves if we are trustworthy. 

If you're in a relationship with someone dealing with trust issues, try patience, be more of a good listener, don't push them too hard, encourage them and try not to be another reason for them to hide from the world.

Truth is, without trust, there can be no love, there is not even like. Perfect love casts out all fear, even the fear of being betrayed. 

Till next time, stay loving. 💜