WANTED!!! (2)

Overwhelmed by guilt, with her face deep into her pillow, hands gripping the sheets, she wailed. She cried so hard, she couldn't find a way to stop. This deep seated feeling of pain and shame will not let her be. The tears were on a roll.

Nothing mattered right now. She just wanted to be whole. To belong somewhere. To belong to someone who belonged to her. She struggled and searched. Until she found Him.

Only for her to realise that she had been wanted from the beginning. The freedom that captured her heart was indescribable. 

It was complete. She was complete. She had been looking without instead of looking within and finding all that she needed, to live the life she was made for. She was enough.

I am she. She is you. She is us.

Last week Monday, 4am to be precise, I got a mail from YouVersion. The first line caught my attention: "Let's talk about Anxiety."

See, oftentimes, we are overcome by the imaginable and not the real. Our minds are clouded by the what-if's. What if they hate me? What if I fail? What if I am inadequate? 

This is God saying, "Step out of your shell. You are enough."

Let me tell you my story.

When I was a little child, before my teenage years, I enjoyed playing with the other little kids in the neighborhood. We would be almost naked and unashamed. Dressed in only our pants and singlets, we would tour the familiar streets again and again, unbothered by the world around us. We would fight and laugh and play and watch one another's backs. It was fun. 

I seemed to always have a good time until one day while I playing with some boys. I guess I was the only girl and a neighbor shouted at me to go "dress up properly". According to her, I had no shame to be dressed like that. 

I knew that it was not a new thing for children my age to be half dressed. I was seven or eight for Christ's sake and you know, there was not so much civilization as we have now.

And I knew that this woman has picked on me plenty of times before then. So I caved. And I ran. I got into our apartment and got myself fully clothed. But you know what else I did? I did not go back outside anymore. I felt insulted, and bruised, and unwanted. I felt inadequate. I cannot remember her words anymore. But I remember clearly how hurt they made me feel. She was raw.

This memory stayed with me.

It took my mother's assurances and embrace to remind me that I was not rejected. I was only corrected. After she spoke to me in a manner that only she could, I wiped my eyes of any stray tears and walked right out the door with boldness, to continue playing with my friends. 

My mum came out with me and this woman, whether she had anything else to say, till this day, I do not know, because she ignored me and left the compound.

This is how God wants to be there for us whenever we feel alone and rejected. This is how he wants His word to fill our every being, our very existence. His is a love and assurance that is beyond what a mother would provide. 

It is not wrong to feel unwanted once a while. It is wrong not to accept the everpresent love of our father. Feelings fade. The truth remains. The truth is the position of God's words concerning you.

For he knows His thoughts towards you. They are thoughts of peace, and not of evil, so as to give you an expected end.

 

Allow Him envelope you in His warm arms, in His steady plans, holding you with His beautiful gaze. He is here. With you. Right now. Let this be your truth. 

Let this truth in: I am loved by God, and without reservations. 

Love,

Have a great week ahead.